The other day I was at CVS buying some food for the few days I was to be without a cafeteria. CVS isn't really a good place to buy groceries because it pretty much has only junk food and food that is junk. I spent quite some time there trying to decide which of my culinary choices was the least evil of the foods in purveyance. I bought a pizza, microwaveable bowl food, and shockingly, Vienna Sausages. I was suckered into buying these meaty consumables for two reasons: One, they are very cheap; Two, eating meat from a can has always intrigued me. I was saving this can for the end of my weekend without a cafeteria so I could better enjoy this triumph of food processing. In case you didn't know modern canning is one of the biggest achievements of the industrial revolution; it has helped to win many a war over the past two centuries. I picked up these little weenies from the shelf, tore off the wrapper so it wouldn't burn when I put the can on the flames and then I waited for them to get nice and hot. They looked so cute and innocent sitting in their little can; however, things were not as they seemed. I must have somehow upset the gods of long life foodstuffs: Louis Pasteur, Nicholas Appert and Peter Durand. I skewered one with my fork, lifted it up to my mouth and leaped back because of it's startling terribleness. These little weenies unleashed a furry that has not been felt since the bombing of Vienna in the second world war. If only that were the end of this story, but for some reason I felt the gravity of this situation and saw that I was the chosen hero; chosen to fight those canning colossi of evil. I ate those sausages. I won the battle and live to fight another day.
